TRAVEL
Wisdom of My Friends
He aha te mea nui? He tangata. He tangata. He tangata. (Maori) What ranks as the highest in my appreciation for the world is people. It is people that uphold my love of life itself. Humans have created wondrous civilisations which leave behind monuments of deep, ancient cultures - full of beauty and wisdom that inspire awe; Humans have also demonstrated an incomparable ability to pave a path of collateral damage, self-destruction, unsustainable lifestyle, bottomless gluttony, downright deceitfulness, heartless cruelty, lies and manipulation that turn into constant chaos. Still, it is the people, it is the people, it is the people that make this human life worthwhile. It is the people that eternalise the brevity of my mortality, stretch the memory of a moment to an infinite afterglow, awaken a pursuit of the greater and better good that I believe is in all of us. This is a collection of friendly wisdom. I claim no truth. For I don't think I know better than anyone else. I’m no writer, so I collected stories gathered from a mere sample of the best people I know, who don’t mind sharing them. They appear in this book because they were willing to contribute, to share with you their feelings about life in this world. And I was lucky to have been able to get in touch with them, listen to them, be in awe by the person-hood they had each revealed. The conversations for this project unravelled stories I would have never gotten to know, had there not been this setting that allowed me to hear them talk -- about what’s most personal to them, and what's closest to their hearts. I wish I could listen to all my friends share each of their visions and worldview. Fact is, everyone has untold wisdom, and lots and lots of stories to tell. Even the most foolish ones, even the most troubled. I don’t possess smart sarcasm, nor the quality of cunning cynicism to undervalue any single soul. For I find, even with the people I’ve gotten to dislike the most, disrespect and despise a lot - they are the very ones who have helped me grow, taught me the most, by hurting me unknowingly, or provoking therefore awakening an important part of myself. I would have liked to, talk to them, and thank them. For there is so much to learn through them. My friends, on a positive and inspirational level, are all people who love loving people, are all trying to create the best for people, and continuously fight to build the world they have envisioned. My friends, just like yours, have all lived through great ups and downs - such a short sentence, yet it comprises so much unseen tears, frustrations, heartaches, untold struggles. They are such respectable beings. I honor each of them - for being the people they are today, for having fought hard as soldiers of life in the past, as they will continue to do in the future. I love them more, and feel honored by them - for having known them and being their friend - having been in the audience seat and hear them talk. I know you too have many a friends whom you love, and respect, with all your heart. And I hope, in the years to come, you will get to know them more and better, and in so doing, appreciate them more and better. There are many common threads I found in all of the talks I’ve shared with my friends. They are: People are all in need of help (And I think, you should especially pay attentive care to those that are always trying to help others out); The evermore battle for a real life - a life that is full of meaning, truth and health - against the one that is far worse off, faked or compelled; Depression - a darkness that hides behind the widest and brightest smiles, either abused as an excuse for unhealthy choices, actions and lifestyle, or completely undetectable or unknown, even to family members, close friends or acquaintance; Resistance - to an established system, or a system of thinking/living/being; The ever-insatiable desire to travel. - And it is only natural. For we naturally yearn to feel fully present as a small but important part of the bigger, wider universe; we are born to experience life in the truest realm of living - as a being in nature; we are alive in order for us to learn, and engage better with our fellow earthlings in this beautiful home called Earth; And last but not least: the love of people: regardless of their identity or circumstances. One important thing that everyone pointed out is the need for people to talk to each other. The interface over internet technologies, & the ways of materialist lifestyle, altogether form barriers that shield us from gaining true human contact, and forming deep connections with each other. But we know that it is the physical interface with each other that paints our lives with palpable colors of happiness that can truly fulfill us deep down. So please, talk to each other. Even if some are not inclined to. Talk to each other more - on a personal level and as equals. Learn from each other, and learn from anyone at all. Continue savouring this world. What a paradoxically perilous & wonderful place it is afterall. For life is not about how much money you earn, generate, accumulate, save, brandish around, or, let’s put it plainly: hog. It’s about by what proportions, with whom, and how you share, and define your wealth. Care for one another. Make a habit of expressing your love: in the best way you know how. Do the things you must do today now. Don’t delay what’s really important till tomorrow, when it might turn into a regret for a long time to come. Emma 2015
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From Iraq To New Zealand - A Continuing Journey: Identity, Globalisation, Depression & Happiness7/18/2015 I was born in Iraq under SADDAM’s regime. My parents were married for 6 months by that point. They had been dating for about 8 years. They knew each other at university. They were very different. In Iraq, dating is a big thing. Even if there’s someone you like and would like to marry, you don’t openly hang out with each other. But they were hanging out with each other; everyone knew they were together. So in a sense they were different. They left Iraq when I was 7 months [old], to come to NZ under the Point System. People who have a degree in engineering, or any field, they can apply to come over and be a resident. So my dad was able to get us here. And they were a young couple as well. That did mean we were away from my family. I started meeting my family when I was 17. I had an auntie in Christchurch, I met her. My dad had a cousin that came too, they were best friends, and his kid was my best friend. I didn’t get to meet my mom’s side of the family. She’s really close to them, and she remembers stories of them. I kind of feel isolated, deprived of what I could have had in terms of family. I always knew I was different, ever since I was in day care. We would have face painting at daycare, I would be first in line; the kids would push me to the back, tell me what characters to be. I never felt like I fit in. That difference was always really at the forefront of my mind: My mom had a head scarf. I always knew there was some sort of difference. Half of it was people really did treat me differently, the other half of it was I was paranoid in a sense. I think a lot. I stand back and observe. I do think my family background does have a lot to do with it. The fact that there are differences out there, I’m aware. I don’t let it stop me from doing things and alters the way I experience it. I have two upbringings - in my family and out of my family. I had two different lives. They didn’t battle each other, I’m good at picking out good things, the good values that I like, and challenging the way my family thinks and the society thinks as well. But, for example, weed, I just don’t get it -- That’s because of my upbringing. Sometimes you crave coffee, or you want a taste of coke; but then ‘let’s go out for the end goal of getting drunk’ -- I try to understand it, I just don’t. It’s also a social thing: Let’s go get some beer.’ Or ‘Catch up over some coffee.’ And no one thinks about it. How are we so used to this routine that no one questions the stuff that happens in their day to day lives? [I question] everything. Which is funny. People say, ‘Why do you say that?’ Coz I’m a Muslim. My parents, my mom especially, really encourage that behavior in me. By the simple fact that I always ask questions, like asking who is god. That’s human nature. god gives us brains to use, we’re not in trouble I want to work for NGOs. To make the world a better place, you have to hold people accountable, help people who have no voice, help them practice it in court. [A lot of countries] go to third world countries and dictate. Who’s to say the end goal is to have a free market? Having a dialogue is important. I would like to think what I live by is having a dialogue. I will never go from what I’ve observed and jump to conclusions. I guess I expect other people would do that with me. I think it’s human nature for people to judge. I hope I’ll get to a point where judgement will happen but they won’t act on that judgement. Globalisation is a big factor. Last year, I thought, ‘Globalisation sucks. it’s all about this capitalist agenda.’ [But one day when] I was talking to my best friend at a get together, the guys in her family, they’re really opinionated, and they really like having discussions like they know everything. She said to me: “You have to get into these discussions. If you don’t say anything, they’re gonna think you’re dumb. I really want you to show them they are the one that are dumb.” So I was telling them about my life, and that [here in NZ], I don’t think I even fit into any group. One of the guys said, “Yeah, you shoulda just stayed in your own country.” Yeah, perhaps a lot would have happened if I stayed, but, I clicked, this is what globalisation is all about. You can’t say something is completely bad. If I stayed in Iraq, who’s to say if bad things wouldn’t happen. That’s what I wish as well, that people would just let people live. I wish people could be happy and let each other live. Someone always thinks they know best or whatever. Even with countries. you know. At the end of the day, as long as people respect each other. Just because someone is religious, it’s not like they’re going to be perfect. I wish you could just let me be me. There’s a lot of things to do with my identity. But I wish people stop picking on their religions. For me, religion is about a person and their relationship with God. There’s no third person involved, not even my parents. I think you can be religious and gay, it doesn’t matter. Let them be! But if that person thinks that’s ok, and they got that religion, and they have that conversation with God, let them do it! At the end of the day, you have no say to what happens to them. My goals are too big. I feel quite overwhelmed a lot of the time. I’m quite sensitive, I just cry so much. I don’t care about “Ooooh, she said this about me” or whatever. When I was a kid, you know those world vision advertisements - [when it comes on] I would cry every single time [watching it]. And they come up a lot! [It got] to a point I would have to change the channel. Laws [that] are [currently] in place [in fact can] disadvantage the third world countries. For example, the patent law, [with which] they can’t get medicines to help with aids coz they dont have the money [to procure aid medicine]. [Our] lecturer [once] showed us a picture of this girl is curled over and bare-boned, and right next to her is a vulture waiting. He put the photo up, and all of a sudden I was just like, “Urgh---” I just get so affected by it. He said, “I have this photo at my desk at home, just to remind me why I do what I'm doing.” [He told us that] one day his 4 year old daughter came in, [she saw the picture and] she said, “Daddy, what’s wrong with this girl?” “She’s hungry.” “Why doesn’t she eat?” “Coz she hasn’t got any food.” [Then] she came in and put a banana under the photo. The next day, she said, “Daddy I think the girl put on weight.” People harden up. I pray that that’ll never happen to me. Like my family, someone’s going to die, they’re not even sad, because it’s too common. Growing up in a world with wars, they grow used to it. [But it is always a comfort to think] that they don’t suffer any more . I used to have only anger in me. Every emotion I had would turn into anger, that the world is like this, that people were doing this and nobody came to help. One day my best friend came, and really helped me get over that. She broke it down to the core. I always had the sensitive side to me, I never showed it. I guess in a sense, I still don’t, with certain people. I describe depression as the deepest deepest deepest point of the ocean, and you can’t breathe - [looking] at the dark dark blue, you can’t see anyone, and you can’t see anything. I describe the feeling as exhausted - so exhausted. When you think you’re getting better, and envision yourself getting the strength and are swimming up, but still can’t breathe, and you can see other people around - they can breathe just fine, but you can’t, and you sink to the bottom. The way I describe anxiety is: Assume you’re afloat, you swim to the top, and then you’re like, “My gosh I can breathe!” But suddenly someone pushes you under the water, and it becomes a struggle to [get back to the surface again]. I can’t stand people that complain. Don’t just do nothing about it. There’s something I always complain about: the world, but I [will in] no way just sit and do nothing. I saw recently a quote: If you’re not on the side of the victim, you’re on the side of the oppressor by doing nothing. I know what I wanna do, opportunities will present itself. I was telling my friend, I don’t know what it is in development i want to do. I volunteered in Thailand for a month teaching English. I found good things and bad things - More bad things. People pay money to volunteer, really they just wanna see rural Thailand. I don't regret it at all. if I hadn't done that, I wouldn’t have known what’s good, what’s bad. Even with this [volunteering in one of the islands] thing, maybe I’m not getting it. I’m just taking it as a learning experience. I was always sad person. In my final year of high school, you know how you would write those farewell notes and say what impression you have of this or that person, every single person described me as happy. - "Really!?" -"Yeah, you always come in as a happy person." That’s what I project, I don't want anyone else to be sad, I don't want to burden them. It’s not a nice feeling. There are so many people that so sad. Advice to everyone - It’s really cliche but: What doesn't’ kill you makes you stronger. It’s never too late. There’s always a time when you can come to a realisation of something. You just have to work at it. I would never ever judge. Whatever happens, happens. I don't think you’re a bad person, I don't think I’m better than anyone, but I’m here (when you need me). What’s the most important lesson you’ve learnt so far in life? Be a good person and stay true to yourself. You know when I cry when things gets too much for me, the one thing I keep repeating is 'Why are people so mean?' I just want people to be happy and nice to one another. Be happy. Be nice -- don't be mean to people. Who do you respect the most?
Myself. If it’s other than myself, it would be my mom. If it’s amongst all people, I still respect myself the most. I’m righteous, benevolent, truthful, a good person with a good character. Out of the people I know, I respect myself the most. What do you like the most about yourself? Under whatever circumstances, I never give up, I’m benevolent, righteous. I would not do something that will harm others. That is the preliminary criteria for being human: it is not to think of oneself first. This is very important, it needs to be written down. Under what circumstances should you overlook your principles? That is when your righteousness might inflict harm on somebody else, then you need to compromise. I can never lie, but I can choose to be silent. This is the compromise, it’s not betrayal. Certain principles cannot be unfollowed. (But) really, what do I like about myself? The most useless part (of me). It is not certain qualities of my person out of which you can get anything. Now at this stage of life I am probably more confident. Now I want to read useless books, do some useless things -- things that do not make any money, read some books with leisure, have some conversations at leisure. [I've learnt to] find and realise the good out of something unpleasant. I quite like that I never give up. I may stop doing something. But at the bottom of my heart the most important thing is that I never give up. I think not being selfish and being kind is very important . Thinking this way I feel I have a lot of lovely sides. I feel I am really loveable! What kind of people do you dislike the most? I especially despise those who belittle or look down on other people. The worse a person is, the mors you can learn from them. Bringing up a person is like planting trees. Cut away the random little branches & you’ll become a good person. Everyone has different talents, everyone has their faults. Just like allowing trees to become useful as timbre, all the little branches that need to be cut away are a result of selfishness. The further the faults grow in to the tree, the more I would cut it away for you. So you’ll become straight. And any lumps of bad growth will be small and never reach your heart. If you have too many random little branches, then you’ll never become useful. Even the cutting away of little branches can be painful. If I’m a real friend I will cut them for you. My real friends are few. They are the ones that need to accept me. One cannot harm other people. If you’ve hurt me, I would tell you, that this is not good. But no matter what you do in life, you’ll also always be punished for the mistakes you’ve made. Why is it that you respect your mother the most out of everyone else? I’m not as brave as my mother. My mother would do things I can never do. In those times, in that environment - of the 60s, China was not a bit opened up to the world. Our ways of thinking were purely based on traditional conventional customs. At the time, when my mother and father were still dating, my dad’s brother’s daughter died of starvation. My dad took my cousin in, and other people would gossip about it: “You have an 8 year old at your home and you aren’t even married, and it’s not even your child” sort of thing. Both children of my uncle’s eventually were sent to my mom’s, because after my uncle passed away, his wife remarried, and my mother took in both of their two children. It was difficult enough at the time with us three children under my mother’s wings. Even if you were wealthy, you wouldn’t even be able to buy stamps, because each person was only allocated with 2 Liang (unit of measurement for weight) of oil, etc. under the Communist practice of ration. But my mother would take in two more children, who eventually grew up with us in our home. (So when sometimes) we went to buy vegetables, people would end up starting a fight for food. My mom was petite, but she would walk up and pull the people in arguments apart with her own strength. I would not even attempt that. My mom worked in the bank taking care of accounts and working as a teller. But some people that worked there would think a few cents taken for personal or banks’ use from customers wouldn’t make much difference when they were on the job. My mother would say to them, “That is not right.” In order to prove that a few cents accuracy does matter, she would stand there, keeping count. Those days, people like my mom earned just about 37 Yuan per month of salary. But in a day, she would total ¥80 or more from withholding customers’ change. After she’d gathered enough evidence, she went to speak to management at all the banks and related stores, pointing out that "[Doing things] this way, you would end up eating up lots of money, that is corruption." My mom then asked for lots of coins, and dispatched them to all the branches, making sure that the workers would pick out the exact amount to return it to customers’ accounts. So she not only cared about this, she also made the effort to do the investigation. When it came to China having a policy change and began having democratic elections, my mom won full votes from all staff members, she was the only person that voted for someone else. I can be as righteous as she is. But I cannot do things with as much bravery as she did it. And I feel that my mom is brave because she never thought about herself. I feel, and I fear, that I would always think of myself. I would not be as great a person as my mom is, nor would I be as vigorous at what I do as her. My mother perhaps did not have a life of her own. I think a person like her is worth writing an ode to and shedding tears for, like we would for heroes. And I very much respect mother’s heroism. My mother would often be betting blind, and then she really win the game afterwards. So, kindness, righteousness, courage, seems that I inherited those qualities from my mother. What about your father? My father is really intelligent! Knows how to do anything! Too intelligent! I feel that, in China, probably because of the culture, that there results a distance between the father and the child. Their influence is less than the mother’s on the children. My father is very righteous, and he would never bend his principles under any circumstances. Because of this, he didn’t live a very easy life. He was always doing righteous things. It makes me feel that his EQ is a bit low. Because my mother chopped away all the faulty little branches from me, it is from my mother that I learnt most things in myself, when in fact I’m pretty much a copy of my father. My father never puts his nose in other people’s business. My father at the time was against taking in his brother’s children. Especially when, to him, they were no longer carrying his family name, and that we were really short of food to feed ourselves at the time. My father was rational about things. He would consider all things, which means his kindness must have a sound basis, with reasonable conditions. My mother is really the unconditional kind. She would take on anything and take in anything. Now that I think about it, it is perhaps that my mother had a lot of Chi in her kidneys. Ever invincible, forever victorious. What changed since you moved to New Zealand? There are no essential changes. On the surface, I have more freedom to be myself. Being here gives me an environment where I do not need to worry about other people’s opinions. So externally it’s not the old external self now. Realistically I am still the same within. In China I always lived in the lab. I could quietly be myself in the lab. There were no ‘time for being a mom’, no ‘time for being a wife’. My identity was simply and solely -- a worker. Here I have a household of my own, time of my own disposal. Everyday I play the wife, occasionally the mom. If I have to say anything that has changed, it would all be on the surface level. I just feel freer, I can be myself: At leisure, free, and of myself. If there is anything that has changed, it is that I’m not nearly more than 10% of what I used to earn [back in China as the head of two departments], but, everything I buy brings me more happiness, I’ve learnt to enjoy the simple things more, such as when I’m working in my garden. New Zealand has a good level of tolerance towards the multicultural presence and the values that must follow. It is very important that NZ has such a forbearance, so that NZ can continue to develop. Particularly for a lone island: without immigrants, it is just a lone island. Us immigrants become the bridge for NZ to the rest of the world. Some Kiwis may not have realised that. Despite their mental denial of others’ cultures, they (New Zealanders) would still never utter it out loud. For their careful diplomacy, they never express anything bluntly. Whereas in China, you encounter times where you would become disappointed by the people you love, become depressed because of your own family, (especially) of your parents. Kiwis should feel very lucky, because their parents may never demand something of them that would hurt them. What are your views on early childhood education at home? I have given my child freedom, ever since I became a mother, I’ve given my child opportunities to make independent choices. I would list out the possible outcomes from each option, but I had never imposed anything on my child, which pretty much makes my child the luckiest child of China. I would have hopes, I would express myself, but I would never impose anything, nor had I ever forced anything. Everyone goes through a stage where others try to stop you from making mistakes while you would always think you’re right. Every parent is like that. [Another thing to teach a child is that] One would always work hard at making a good living when they do so for their family. You mustn’t lower your benchmark. You must always learn to feel a sense of pride for your family. It is only when you feel pride for your family would you find the deep motivation. If you only work on being yourself, then you’ll cease sooner in your efforts. When I work on how to be a better person, I often think of my mother. I want to be a person greater than my mother. In the Chinese language, [the word] reflects the culture -- with the example of the word “country”, it’s made up of 2 words - nation and family -- only when they’re together do they make a “country”. When we’re in conflict with foreigners, we become the nation; when we’re living our lives for ourselves, it is all about being a ‘family’. The only time when China began to become weak as a country was at the start of the Yuan Dynasty. When the Mongolians begun holding sovereignty over us, that’s when we began thinking of China as a nation. [For this reason and philosophy,] In the few thousand years’ of human civilisation, China had always been the most prosperous. Our family is a long line of scholars and gentle-folks. We always, forever, think of home. Therefore every person’s life is lived for the honor of the family. For the Face. Even up until now, whatever the Chinese people do they still do it for the Face, for the honor of the family name. Us Chinese like to speak of Honoring the ancestors and shining upon the forbearers. Only when you think of honoring the predecessors would you never dare to slack off in life. In actuality, everyone thinks of themselves. But as long as my mother and father are present, I would never stop doing this and that. Their standards are high, that my home must be like this or like that. Having participated in others’ funerals, I’ve found that in New Zealand, there are many big families, therefore the sense of the family and the values that follow are heavily present. Many Chinese these days no longer carry the sense of the family. When those that go trace their family tree, their ideas about themselves would never be the same. Really, the core of many cultures are one and the same. The longer I live in New Zealand the more I see how similar to China it is . It’s like the difference between the white onion and red onion. The first layer of the onion skin might be dry and drab, and you can’t see the actual onion on the inside from this layer. But the further you peel, the deeper you dig, the more you’ll discover the onion’s sweetness. So really, there are very few differences [between China and New Zealand] despite being different kinds of onions. The onion is spicy on the outside, but the further you peel into the onion, the more you’ll realise that the center is sweet [for any onion, ie between any culture]. In fact, it is because of the difference of their locations, of their religions, that they developed different cultures. Cultures are but a few kinds. Their central cores, the innermost cores are but one and the same. Because man wants to be endowed with what’s beneficial and avoid the bad, so any kind of culture is always going to be kindness-oriented. You may seem different on the surface, but onions will always be onions. The degree of hardness or softness varies between cultures. Muslims would commit to suicide bombs; while Chinese never would [committ such violence]. To be fair, a fundamental key to the reason for European and Oriental cultures to be what they are is due to the density of human population. Because you've always gotta consider for others. Because we inhabit a huge dry land, therefore we have always had to engage with other histories of other cultures. Then you most definitely learn to accept and tolerate others. The more you have seen from experience, the less you’ll feel anything as strange or unfamiliar. You’d never alienate anything, nor would you feel anything to be peculiar. I know that I do not know, therefore you know better that there is so much you do not know still. Is there anything you would like to see changes made in China or NZ? I wish for nothing to change. It’s all fair and well. I believe culture is a thing that, to be honest, is self-selecting and has its own sifting process. There is a kind of inheritability. And naturally, the bad will be selected out and sifted away. I feel it will take its natural course. Because there are so much in the Chinese culture, there is thus too much under-appreciation. Such as the cultures of the minority ethnicity groups. People might feel it’s too provincial, even peculiar, but I hope they will continue to thrive and remain here. I feel I do not need to take any responsibility for the cultures of the West. And I do not claim to know them so well, either. If I must hope for something, for Wellington, it is for Wellington to maintain its tolerance for cultural diversity. This is largely to do with every immigrant. If you do not show the best of your culture, then in many things, Chinese already lost a lot of respect [from the people in New Zealand]. Therefore Chinese will not be as well received. [They] are loathe-worthy. Everyone must take on the duty of doing in one’s best ability to exhibit the best of one’s cultural tradition. In New Zealand, people do not show what they really feel, in fact that can be quite loathsome. For example, us Chinese people are very direct, and will tell you what they feel straight-away. Western people may be laughing at you in their hearts, and you stay all silly. It’s really very vain. You do not benefit me by not telling me how you feel, and in the long term, you do not benefit yourself from it. Another good example: is the way Chinese people greet each other, it’s just a simple "Good to see you", and then we go on being busy with lives. Western people would say, “How are you?” [as a question] You may say it without wanting to hear an answer to the question, as if you’ve really cared about that person or something. People [may choose to] deal with me on the surface level, that has nothing to do with me. I dislike that they act all cordially in order to show how high and superior they are. They would say, ‘Ah you’ve done this and that and that very well, but then you know, you’ve done that and this not so well...” Ah! Such a waste of time! One is one, two is two, what’s the point of dragging on with all the fuss about being polite and all! Why is New Zealand so fallen behind in terms of progress? The only good thing that could come out of this is, people live a leisurely life. Leisure is the most luxurious thing in this world. This is a matter of capacity of the mind and of the heart. When it comes to the really big matters, Chinese people are very euphemistic and rounded. Population is too dense, people need to be direct with everyday little things. A popular saying online goes like this: There flows 5 words in the sky, that is not at all a big deal. Even horses of the heavens [phonetic slang in Chinese for ‘anything’] are just floating clouds. Westerners deem forms over function too much, Chinese people deem outcomes very highly. That this thing needs to turn out leaving everyone feeling good. In China, severe earthquakes hit Sichuan [in 2008, just a few months away from the start of Beijing Olympics], [the central government of China ordered for] this province to go help this city, and that province to provide funds for that city: In 2 years' time, all victims from the earthquakes have moved into new houses. Here, in Christchurch, how many years has it been now? People are still troubled by lack of proper housing. China is all about [meeting a] deadline. [When it comes to governmental decision making} [As the central government, I am going to] give you 3 months, within these 3 months, say all you want to say, after this 3 month period, I’m going to have nothing to do with you, because I’m going to start working on implementing the issue. [Whereas in New Zealand, ] simply by having unlimited endless democratic discussions, how are you going to make progress? I’m really reminiscent of China’s [system of] democracy-first, collective decision-making second. Without centralization, there will be no actions. And there will Never ever be progress. If you spend every day asking each other, "what do you think about this?" "what do you say about that?" what is the use of a government? You need to have a person to hammer the gavel. Here, there is not a real leader, here, there is a government, everyday it’s either this or that. Whereas centralisation is not the same as authoritarianism. That is why us Chinese people go democracy first, centralization after. Centralisation of decision-making is a way of reaching a conclusion. First, ask the common folks, let the people make claims on what they want the government to address; then,find the best experts for a democratic purpose. Chinese don’t like to be framed by professional judgements, so people’s voices need to come first. Professionals are employed for making evaluations. What the professional can offer is what is called "providing advice to the government"; what the people contribute is called "offering opinions and suggestions"; The final decision making is left for the government. The thing that disappoints me the most is that, since coming to New Zealand, I’ve liked all things, except when it comes to this matter of infrastructure reconstruction in Christchurch, too slow! [It is just too] painful to think of. For such a beautiful city to have so many years of delay, is the incapability of the government. Chinese people like to see the final outcome, and it is the outcome that is demanded by the people! Otherwise, why would all the people of China keep having “Thankful to the government” on the tip of their tongues? It’s because the government has gotten something done [for them]. You see anything worth feeling thankful for towards the NZ government? I feel their sense of belonging is not as strong as that of Chinese people. Chinese people would sing: “Five Starred flag, I feel proud for you; Five Starred flag, I feel self-pride because of you.” Here, the most that people would support is an -ism of their choice. Often-times, it requires a kind of self-dedication to do a thing right. And Chinese are about the middle-way, that things need to be just right, balanced. For example, why do we call a country a ‘nation-home’? That is because a nation requires people’s devotion. We say ‘faithfulness & filial piety cannot both compromise’. Loyalty to the nation is called faithfulness, the same towards the family is called filial piety. When the country is facing conflict, we would say, “It is every man’s duty [to serve the country at this difficult time], faithfulness and filial piety cannot both compromise.” What you need to give to the country needs to be all about devotion. What you need to give to your family is harmony. Where does harmony come from? It comes from being just right. It’s about achieving balance. It’s very important. Harmony therefore translates as nobility. The most expensive and precious thing is nothing but harmony, that is, peace. Even with harmony, we have many different words and different kinds of harmony -- Harmony-in-serenity, harmony-in-concord, harmony-in-amity, harmony-in-singing. When it comes to politics and the economy, we call it the country. But when poets write about the country, because poets are strong in sensibility, they would refer to the country as “family-nation”. I don’t know if there is this kind of sharp distinction in the English language. I just really like ‘family-nation’. Especially when it’s to do with ‘thousand autumns of hate on behalf of the family-nation’. The thing that hurts you the most is not a result of the nation-family, the thing that would hurt the most is because of the family-nation. I have grown to disregard more and more of the kind of civilisations based on invasion, plunder and war. I used to worship the Western culture. Now I rather like our Chinese culture. Our Chinese culture has a lot of generosity and tolerance. ‘I will receive the ten thousand celestial kingdoms that come to assemble here.” You come to my place, I will accept you. But I will never go to invade your country, and rob you. Our culture is one of peaceful coexistence. This includes our medicine which is all about strengthening, reinforcement, fitness, and not about killing bacteria. And we are very good at self-reflection and introspection. Us Chinese people would feel, your fire has risen up in you, or, evils have attacked you from the outside. If you don’t feel serene, it’s because the fire has risen in your system. Risen fire is nothing but excessive Yang and exhausted Yin. It’s because you don’t accept other people, that’s why you have fire risen in you. So we talk about being gentile and soft. soft as Yin, harmonious as circle. Circles are without sharp angles, and the change is grudual and smooth. In fact, time is the most precious. Time is life’s most fundamental unit. If life is measured by its length, time is its unit; if life’s measured by its width, time is its element. For old farmers in the countryside, life is made of days, his life is the acres of land in sight. But for those who travel here and there, from one country to the next, their life is full of width. Delve deep into ancient civilisations and their history. Without the knowledge of history, one’s life will not have depth. Bacon said, knowledge is power. But he was a foul character. He often betrayed his own ideals. He was too smart. Therefore, he did not have as much wisdom, and was not as faithful or staunch in his principles. Intelligence and wisdom are two different things. Therefore us Chinese people talk about harmonious peace. Chinese people on the other hand are all about the middle-way. Bacon was not balanced. He himself was not a man of greatness. He died because of an experiment. He felt that if chickens were frozen, the bacteria would be killed in the process. He got infected and died from the infection. Did your university studies in organic chemistry shape your worldview somehow? Organic chemistry is very wonderful, very helpful. In life, people are full of leisure. Chemistry is about the ideal state. Categorise, then you can mingle with others. Extract, then you’ll discover dynamic equilibrium. So chemistry has helped with the formation of my worldview and my theories towards life. I feel quite fortunate, especially that I studied organic chemistry. Once you take away the ideal state, analyse its various factors, just the same as when you analyse various aspects of the society. And it is because of this, that when I socialise with other people, I would analyse, I would categorize, and finally come up with an OPT - optimum. I will live the most ideal state of my life. When you’re in the best state of life, you’re a happy person. So I have grasped an ideal perfect state of Chinese culture through an organic chemistry method. Tao is about making the elixir of life. In fact man’s ultimate dream is wealth and an extended life. Therefore to read some more of the Tao concepts, - if you really dig in to the subject - you’ll enter into a Buddha-like state of selflessness. Just like when I enter into the laboratory, I have no concept of time. My colleagues would all be amazed -- that I was completely in a physical shut-off state. I really like that state of being. Every season, I would publish a new color, and I must work on developing and releasing a new color every 3 weeks. The moment I see something, I can devise 80% of the formula in my mind immediately. The colors I develop come from my heart, the paint, the dyes. Once I’m in the lab, I won’t think of anything. I would even forget about my child. I have neither a child, nor a family. I feel very empty, very vast. There is no me, I do not feel my body, I do not have a sense time, I do not have the concept that I have a child, all I have got is my job. I feel like I’m not anywhere in particular, it’s a beautiful feeling. When I first left my parents, I felt very awful. Now I’ve thought it through. [It’s an ancient saying to] advise a person to care for whoever is right in front of you. You must still cherish the people next to you. [It’s about] the people in front of you, and the immediate matters that need taking care of. [That is:] what I have, and what I can do -- not what I cannot do, or someone I cannot reach to. That’d be stupid. After this realisation, I’ve found my balance. Since I cannot do much for my parents, what’s the point of feeling awful. [Plus,] what my mother wants for me is for me to be happy. As long as one has accomplished the life they feel satisfied with, they will naturally be happy. Your satisfaction or fulfilment is possible to achieve but not something to simply want. You need to have the skill. Happiness is not a goal, but should be a state of being. One must set higher and further goals. You don’t necessarily have to achieve the goal, you don’t have to feel satisfaction, but, in the process of the pursuit, I feel happy. That is because, when you do obtain it, you will but feel, this is not much of a big deal after all! So we must aim higher and further. Out of the poets, I really like White Lee (李白), Eastern Slope Soo. But if I would choose one to marry, I would choose Xiu Ou Yang, Wei Wang (he’s a painter, a musician, he lived for a very long time, and he was an interesting character.) I like those who are graceful, refined, and stable. I don’t like those that follow their whims. When I do my job I like to be professional, and responsible. Take ambassador En Lai Zhou (周恩来) for example, because of his sacrifice, his grievances, he secured many lives of the Chinese people. China was then all about the War of the 10 Roads. Zhou was forever in his invincible place, where as Chairman Mao was felled many times over by other people. Kissinger wrote a book called The Leaders, in which he wrote about Zhou, he didn’t care about writing on Chairman Mao. I respect Chairman Mao. He was a man of probity. He was poor once, and would never corrupt a cent of money. And he loved books. I like people who love books. What I love the most is books, but what I cherish the most is kindness and benevolence. But in this world of materialism, books are rather important nonetheless. Because all people care about now is money. [Life’s about] what my heart feels. Feelings are very important to me. My grandfather and my great-grandfather were both wizards. Wizards need to feel for things, to feel for the world, for the people, and the environment. They were the people that were able to make something happen. They healed people’s illness. They would go look for herbs, pick them and make herbal pastes. During morning walks with my father, he would be able to recognise many herbs because of his father and grandfather. My mother’s side of the family had a headmaster, her father, who was prepared for studying abroad in Russia. He didn’t eventually go to university, because he practiced filial piety, as his mother wanted him to get married. My mother’s side of the family had teachers and businessmen. They used to travel to the capital city for business, to bring back the money they made and build houses, to honor the family. But no one knows where they ended up eventually. Back in those days, there were no banks. They were carrying the money they made in actual silver pieces. Speculation goes that they must have been robbed and killed on the road. [My mother’s father --] my grandfather was an early-born of 7 months in the embryo. Chinese people used to say, “Live through 7, but not through 8”. So he was carried in a face wash basin and handed over to some other family to be raised. His adopted mother was married but her husband went to Beijing to do business right after they got married. So she was never able to have a child of her own. Everything in my grandfather’s life had something to do with the number 7. The day my grandfather died, my grandmother stirred up my mother from her sleep and said: “Today there are a lot of 7, there is no chance he would be able to make it through this day. There is some big event that happens every time it hits 7 for your dad: He has 7 children; today is the 7th of the 7th.” My mother quickly went over to see her dad. At 7 minutes past 7a.m., my grandfather died. He was 77 years old. What would you like to say to your family, but never had a chance? Thank you, I'm sorry, and I love you. Because I did not have much chance to pay filial piety to them, I could not help them being here. In this culture of ours, we do not say ‘I love you’. I can accept all things. Some things do not have to be said out loud. Everything else is small things, those are all unimportant. Compared to my sense of guilt and thankfulness, those little things are all unimportant. & Truthfulness. People would sing ode to kindness. But who have sung for truth? People overvalue knowledge, power, even kindness. People lack real appreciation of truthfulness and faithfulness. Truthfulness is neglected by people, faithfulness is not something people want to do/have. People have an over-tolerance for unfaithfulness. This means that they will not cherish faithfulness. What would you advise to the future generations? Have kindness. [Learn about] culture, especially for Oriental culture to be in the West, that would be great. Be faithful to oneself, love nature, be a person of great character. Be a person that will make yourself feel proud of yourself. I hope my offsprings will make their parents proud, and make their own future generations proud, that is - a person of great character, to feel fulfilled by oneself. [Know that] I am minute and small. My power is limited. We had a family friend, mom’s dear friend, Jane, who lived on the beach. She was an artist. She had this amazing big dog, Daisy. Mom would always let me paint there, play with the dog, be with Jane. Jane passed a few years ago. She was very modern. I was very curious of her, because she would have short hair, wear very long black dresses, like a witch. Actually I haven’t thought about her until just now... Authenticity -- it’s important to be authentic to yourself. So from [the movie] Inside/Out Joy was supposed to be the hero, right? That comes from the perception of happiness, that happiness is a right for everybody. Really, sadness is really with you as well, and she turned out to be the hero as well. A lot of people suffer from depression. It’s like a roller coaster: you come from the darkness, but you learn to be content with that. It’s about resilience. Scan your body, and scan your feelings, and that’s okay. With depression , you slum into a hole, and you don’t really want to get out of it. A lot of my friends have severe manic depression [that they] couldn't get out of it for days. [One] has given up completely. It’s very triggering. Don’t let that category define who you are. It was really a concern for me to work for Refuge, surrounding myself with all these bad stuff. It made me very resilient, because I would draw resilience from their experience. It’s a very powerful journey. When people write up their CV, they write: “I’m a really results-oriented person.” Really, you can’t get attached to the outcome. When you work at the Refuge, you want a good outcome. You have to stay present, and just be there for her [any woman that seeks help at the Refuge], and as long as she knows you’re there, at that present moment, you’re ok. My second ever phone call as a volunteer: a woman rang: “He’s trying to get through the door!” She rang us instead of the police. When I asked for her phone number, the phone just cut [off]. I wish I asked for her name. “It’s ok,” my supervisor said, “she rang you to hear your voice, and that'll help her.” And that sense of connection is so vital. We become so hollow and lonely when we don’t talk to people. What is compassion? [It’s] very tied in with empathy. I see it in gestures as well. The look in the eye. Hand movements. If you’re open, you’re letting yourself be vulnerable, you’re letting people in, and you’re not blocking yourself from people. [It’s also] tied in with active listening. There’s where you really practice your active listening skills. Just simply observing the other person and, not talking over them. [Compassion is like] that song ♩Lean On Me♪, I think it’s completely contextual. There have to be messages conveyed to you from that other person. There shouldn't be judgment passed. Even just simple generous gestures, that’s very compassionate. In Somaliland, the woman would just kiss my hand - I’d kiss her hand, and she’d take [mine] and kiss [it]. The men wouldn’t shake your hand. That’s why I was very lucky being a woman researcher. I wasn’t interested in men [as my subjects] I met a few who really just tarnished my view about patriarchy there: A man invited his friends over to his house right after his wife just delivered her baby - [he] did not have compassion for his wife, [nor was he] mindful that 'my wife just gave birth.' The men were [there] chewing kat. Even when we had our radical picnic at our university - We organised a picnic, the uni I worked at. Some students were allowed to go, some weren’t. Boys would mingle with girls. There were 3 principles that students wanted to voice about: caring for environment; loving your family; and respecting how much work your mother does (they all cook, and it’s a lot of work); recognising family as FMU [Fundamental Moral Unit] and bringing everyone together at the same space. Yet, [the] grownup males, the Islamic teacher, the vice president, they grouped themselves off, they didn’t contribute to anything, threw their rubbish on the ground, expected the girls to pick them up. I said [to them], “No, being together is important.” [So] they came [and joined us], but they were on their own mats. They were ridiculed by the students. It’s good for the boys to see what you’re not supposed to do. The boys helped out with cooking - for boys to flip the fish over, and wash the dishes, that was radical. It’s nothing but something, it means a whole [lot]. This whole division of labor, it’s not doing them justice. Do you love dogs or cats? I’m a dog lover. That’s just always it. I think it comes from my mother. My mom was very horrible to cats when I was younger. Cats don’t like me and I don't like cats. Cats are too independent for my liking. Dogs - lots of companionship there. They pick up the same behavior as family. Mom sleeps a lot, so you’ll always find [my dog] Milo in bed. Milo is like a sacred symbol - everyone surrounds him, and that brings us together. And Milo would always want the family to be together. There was once we went shopping. I said to go get something that way, and mom needed to get something the other direction. We didn’t have Milo on a leash, so he just [sat] in the middle, and looked each side. [In Somaliland,] dogs were imported by the British. They were treated badly. They looked sick. Homeless. Quite dangerous. In Islam, you’re not supposed to touch dogs. So people throw stones at them, even if they’re sleeping. My colleague called me the Dog Whisperer. [One day,] I finished work. There’d be this open alley way and dogs would just sleep on it. Little shits would just over and throw stones at them like sport. The dogs were getting really wired up, and they just barked and barked. I said to them, “Mya! (Stop it!) Stop doing that! That's really bad. That's awful.” To prove a point, I walked through them, and they were just shouting, “Mya, mya. Don't, they’re dangerous, they’re evil.” I said, “No, you’re making them evil. You’re making them mad.” So I walked down this alley way, and every dog I walked past just quieted down. I was scared, and the boys just [watched with their jaws dropped]. What do you think you would do if you were to move to Somaliland? I would teach English. I’d be very engaged with the community. You have to be. Everyone just knows who you are. So you really need to put a good name out there for who you are. Protect yourself. And surround yourself with people I’d love to open up a woman’s skateboard organisation. So girls could skate and play basketball. There’s a private gym where windows are closed off. But for them to run around or play sports, there’s nothing offered for them. [In Somaliland,] they know Saudi Arabia is crazy in [terms of] Islam. But, have some self reflection. You don't want to be like that, right? People have very negative views about Muslim - Don't prove them right. I’ve a lot of friends who think Christianity is [tended to be] really imposing a particular view. It’s like with transvestites - they wear a hell of a lot of makeup. Whatever makes them feel good, they have the choice. On sex workers: I went to Vietnam with Jacob, [it] must have been a few years [back]. We went from Ho Chi Minh to Huong, which is my favorite, and then Hanoi. The only thing that upset me was the Westerners. The disgusting old men that picked up that 12 year old girl. They were holding hands. Sex is the old job huh? For sex workers, why does it have to mean something? [Society] breaks it down to [how] sex doesn’t mean anything, [that] sex is just a service. [But] sex workers [are the ones] doing it, men are not. Unless [there’s] a pimp, [it becomes] male organised thing. These women are in control of their sex, they’re not doing it for babies, they just overturns that whole system around. There’s a sense of peace when it comes to it. I love and encourage women to be themselves and goddesses, because that power has been taken away from them for so long. I really like the philosophy of the Mother Earth, we’re more attached to earth than fit soldiers who create war. I read this book on goddesses, and, they did this old rituals and bathe, and drink apple cider vinegar tea - it’d be a ritual of purification. It comes down to companionship. They found women who had similar ideals, learn about nature, worship nature, because it’s close to their anatomy. And maybe they don’t associate themselves with the male-dominated world, so they find peace in this philosophy. What is Beauty? Beauty is subject to constant change. It’s influenced by time. Depends on the individual. I see beauty everywhere, through experience... Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. For indigenous people, I consider them beautiful, they got a story to them. It sounds horrible to say but I think it’s more beautiful than the colonial Europeans. Like the Native Americans, they’re beautiful. That’s really unique in NZ coz we hold on [to Maori culture]. In Fiji they’re really dismissive of indigenous culture, like Pentecostal, they condemn indigenous practitioners If it’s got a story behind it, if it’s got pure intentions, it’s beautiful. [At the same time,] I’m really sceptical of the purity discourses. The underlying meaning [is], they [men] fear her reproductive power, coz it’s different from their own. With authority, you always have to be sceptical when people say something. You have to be critical in this world. Stripping all those discourses, it’s a form of resistance. In Religious Studies, we seriously neglect the issue of race. Jesus woulda been brown or black, not white. Even in indigenous studies, it’s white studies - It’s white scholars imposing their view based on their experience on indigenous people. And when scholarship is donated by white, it’s just another form [of] superiority. When foreigners go to their countries, they’re called expats. I call them foreigners. Other NGO workers call themselves] expats. Dont disrespect Somalians by calling yourselves expats. I’m not comfortable with the term expats. When I did that internship with Tearfund, it's a Christian social group. I watched a campaign about human trafficking. We were supposed to write an essay about what we’re gonna do with sex trafficking, how to combat with the issue. I said: Join up the sex workers! Get the community to join up with the sex workers. Collaborate instead of imposing on [these sex workers] their views [on sex work] as sinful. This [is a] completely different agenda. Tearfund has the strand I’m not comfortable with. NZ is a target country. They say that sex workers are going to expand this [industry] from human trafficking. I’m not comfortable with that at all. I’ve researched: Prostitution law makes things more transparent, and protect the sex workers. It’s not going to boom this industry. I didn’t support that stance at all. The pastorship didn’t want Tearfund to talk about prostitution. First, call them sex workers, coz [the pastorship] will hate that. Jesus was a radical equalist. Distributed wealth. It’s all about interpretation. It’s very [Darwinian] - For your health to improve, you need to lean on other people. A lot of my friends are gay. Living in the culture we live in, I do find that intolerable [when Christians talk against homosexuality]. With Christians, they see death as evil, so they think suicides is a form of evil. [Going against Christian ways of thinking is] the whole euthanasia debate - that’s the situation where you’re healthy There is this Somalian saying: "Even when there is not a family around to support her, the woman can dance with her child on her back." Self-care is very important. It’s sort of an effective mechanism to not carry the burden of others, to scan your bodies, scan your emotions, scan your feelings, what’s today going to be like. We forget to. [Now], I value my family more, I really missed my mother when I was away. Not for different food, not for cool climate, not to wear pants or shorts, but for my mother’s hands, they tell a lot. Having mother’s arms around me was the most thing I missed. So when I’m back in Wellington now, I always go straight to mom for hugs. I believe it’s a great strand of energy, one that’s pure. It’s very fulfilling. That’s part of the finding for my research [in Somaliland]. I was very interested in my mother-daughter relationship for my report. Social support from mothers really help with reproductive success, & she is most strongest when she has a daughter. Boys are taught to detach. I’m really interested in the FMU. It’s a matriarchal practice. Once daughter has it, she stays confined in the home. It’s the mother’s investment in the daughter to make sure she’s married. It’s quite special and unique. [I also think] it’s our time to protect our mothers. In Chinese, there is a saying, "The filial duty of feeding one's parents is carried even by the crows." [You know] the awful sound that crows make, it’s a signal to the other crows, they’re not individualistic. If you were to be an animal, which would you pick? We had this discussion in Somaliland, I really like to be a dog, but I got given peacock. I’ve always been obsessed with female eagles. Because they [would] fly through twisters, in order to get to their babies. I find that very powerful. I want to have that ability. Do you ever wanna be a mother one day? I don't know yet. A lot of women these days are unable to find a partner because of commitment issues, but these women are ready to have babies. Any future plans to travel? I definitely want to go to Ireland. I made some good friends who are from Ireland. I can always see myself living in France, learning the language. I find Germans are quite hard to talk with. There’s this horrible joke: You know Jewish people are most funniest people in the world, that’s apparently why Germans are not funny. What do you like about Foucault? Power discourse, subjectivity that encapsulates philosophy of the subject, power discourse and what that means to the subject. And where there is resistance, there’s power. Very brilliant man. Feminists are really conflicted about Foucault. Some say he’s anti-Feminist. Some say he’s completely revolutionized feminism. He’s been implicit. He completely stripped away homogeneous identities, constructed identities, that for repression and oppression. His ideal world would be for women to sleep with women and men. He believes multiple discourses need to be proliferated to break down a powerful discourse. And I believe in he’s a feminist, a very post-modern one. Very brilliant guy, radical socialist. He’s very political. There’s a famous photo of him protesting against condition of prisoners. His efforts for people marginalised by society. He’s a great guy, I’d love to have dinner with him. Who else would you like to have dinner with? I’d love to have dinner with Valerie Solanas: she was a crazy one, who shot Andy Warhol. He stole her arts. You should read Scum: Manifesto for Cutting Up Men. It’s very short, very ridiculous. It’s a famous piece of literature. She didn’t do feminism any justice, but she’s an interesting character. I wouldn't show my students this. They would find radical feminism funny. They really like post-modern feminism, they don’t think western feminism will speak to African, Muslim issues. Who else - Helen clark. David Lange. What would you like to say to men who are mistreating women? Take a look at yourself. I hope someone treats you the way you treat other people. Just so you can learn. I wish [for] you what you do to others. At Refuge, we design a safety package. We get the police involved. All the girls should learn self-defence. You don't have to be as big of a person: you can kick their shin, he’s going to release you, and you’re going to run away. It's always a blaming game as well. “I do this because I love you.” They mix love with violence. And it’s the same with parents. The child knows the mother/father loves them. If they hit their child, they confuse love with violence. And that becomes an ongoing cycle. So in our programme, we break that cycle. We teach children not to express their anger, but teach them to override it, the breathing technique, talk to their mom, not to social workers, talk to their schools. [Some social workers have] done a lot of injustice to the mothers. We’re not child-advocates, we’re women advocates. Putting them in homes does them no good. Advice to the future generations: To leave a lot of space for innovation & creativity. That’s closely tied up with green technology. NZ government I believe is a very state-driven sort of dictators for scientific research. There’s no money in it for NZ. There's no room for it. Whereas Germany puts in a lot of money for scientific research. NZ is not like that: even when they talk about free market, it's very state driven. It’s awful. So I believe creativity is very important. Keep researching and being innovative. Explore all options. Even if you come across road blocks of barriers. Persistence. Experience things. Step outside your comfort zone even though it might be risky or you’re scared of it. The experience attracts you. Coz without experience, something inside us sleeps. You’ve got to awaken yourself, and that sends out the messages to other people as well. It’s not affecting you [alone], it’s an electromagnetic field. You’re going out there, you’re inspiring other people. You shouldn’t be influenced by someone, you should be inspired. [For example, be inspired] by artwork. Students in Somaliland are not encouraged to do artwork. University creates a space for art where inspiration happens. If you have troubles at home, you can go to that space to be inspired. You draw an inspiration from everything, everyone. collecting wisdom
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