TRAVEL
The Journey is the Destination
On my way to everywhere
Celebrating Aloneness10/7/2023 𝑾𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝑪𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔: 𝑯𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝑰𝑺 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒂𝒔 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒆 & 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 ---
𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝑯𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚, 𝑰'𝒎 𝒈𝒍𝒂𝒅. 𝑰'𝒎 𝑺𝒐 𝒈𝒍𝒂𝒅 𝑰'𝒎 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆. 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝟏 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒄𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒔, 𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝑾𝒆𝒍𝒍...𝑻𝒐𝒌𝒚𝒐/𝑲𝒚𝒐𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒏, 𝒃𝒖𝒕, 𝑩𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒌𝒐𝒌 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒎𝒂𝒛𝒊𝒏𝒈. & 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔, 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕. 𝑺𝒐 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒂𝒔 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒄𝒌𝒔 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒐𝒙𝒆𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒆. 𝑰'𝒅 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒍 𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒐 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒐 𝒐𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒏. 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂 𝑮𝒓𝒂𝒃 𝒕𝒐 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒊 𝑨𝒊𝒓𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕 𝒂𝒕 𝟒, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒓𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒔𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎,𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐, 𝑯𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒊𝒅, "𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒔." 𝑰 𝒔𝒂𝒊𝒅, ..."𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒗𝒆. 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒚 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆~" 𝑰'𝒅 𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒈𝒐 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒐 𝒕𝒐 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒔, 𝑨𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆. 𝑨𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒊𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒍𝒚, 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆; 𝑨𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝑰𝑺 𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍. 𝑰 𝒅𝒐 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆, 𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆. 𝑰𝒇 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒂𝒔𝒌 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆, 𝑰'𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆, 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝑰 𝒎𝒆𝒕 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒔, 𝒔𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉. 𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕. 𝑪𝒉𝒆𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒂𝒖𝒍 𝒕𝒐𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆. 💸💸💸💸💸 Thanks to Ostello Bello Mandalay in arranging a tuk tuk driver for me, my final 2 full days in Mandalay were lived fully and well traveled. After I’ve had breakfast, I asked to be taken to Mingu, where the white temple is. To get to Mingu, before 2018, you could just take a ferry across the Irrawaddy River and get there in a short and straight line in half an hour. But now, there is no sound tourism infrastructure available, no ferries run these days to take visitors across the river like that So you have to go by car and you’d go through Innwa first then head up north to Mingu. The cost was going to be 800,000 Kyat regardless of whether I visit Innwa or not. I didn’t want to visit Innwa because that’ll just be too much in my system. But I chose to leave it with next time. Especially as Innwa is full of hills, and I needed to hire a horse cart for my time there, as the tuktuk couldn’t go around it. The cost for the horse cart would be 300,000 kyat. It’s not that much, but no, I just didn’t want to see too much all in 1 day. I wanna pace it out. Maybe another day, maybe next time. So off I went right after breakfast. My tuktuk driver was already ready for me. I had brought along an extra dress with me, because the Ostello Bello Mandalay staff didn’t like how my bright pink & yellow dress still has these wide open slits on the side that showed a lot of my legs. In case of the need to change, I kept the dress on still for the ride, but took my favorite green dress with me and left it in my bag. The road leading away from Mandalay was straight, smooth, and long, it was also rather unoccupied. Sometimes it felt like the tuktuk I was in was the only vehicle on the road. There were people working the brickworks in the middle of the street for the bays, oxes stood in the shade under the canopy of the trees, there were a series of fruit stands on the street-side: watermelons upon watermelons, stacked and piled on top of one another, layer upon layer. This explained why Ease Hotel would have watermelon juice at the breakfast buffet. There were enough watermelon stands for me to anticipate the next stand, and get my camera ready to take pictures of them. I couldn’t anticipate people and oxes that passed by though throughout the journey. Even though some of them were worthy of having pictures taken, especially the women who walk with containers on their heads or with a bit round plate that could hold a lot of things on their heads. The driver stopped briefly on the overbridge with triple archways for me to take pictures of Innwa. Innwa IS beauuuuutiful! This should really be the centre of Mandalay's tourism! Several hilltops were adorned with golden or white pagodas. Then there was the Irrawaddy River beneath the bridge. So the pictures were very scenic indeed. I’d love to come back to Innwa on future trips. But right now, it is too hot and I am too un-bothered to go climbing hills in 40-degree heat. At the end of the Irrawaddy Bridge was a checkpoint, stationed there - it felt like - really just to take tips from drivers. My tuk tuk driver drove on by without needing to give any tips, but I could see drivers holding their hands out to give the police money in cash. It seemed like it didn’t even matter how much was given, as long as they paid, they could pass?? Not sure. Before reaching the checkpoint, My driver told me to put my camera away. Obediently I did so, because I wouldn’t want the army/the police to take my camera away, And I wouldn’t want them to come up to me just to check on my things. I’m no journalist, I’m just a traveler passing through. I’m here to appreciate your country, not to criticise it. We were in Innwa in no time after coming off the bridge. And already you’d find yourself going past pagoda after pagoda. They were just dotted all around town. What a sacred and serene place! Immediately this felt like a change from the crazy hustle and bustle of Mandalay streets. Even the outskirts of Mandalay had lots of traffic and pedestrians, this felt like an instant breather from the higher population in Mandalay. On a long quiet road, my tuk tuk driver stopped to pick up some bottles of fuel. And I mean, they were actually small plastic water bottles of fuel, lined up on a little stand on the street side, looked after by a local lady. On a long quiet road, my tuk tuk driver stopped to pick up some bottles of fuel.On a long quiet road, my tuk tuk driver stopped to pick up some bottles of fuel. After 10min of a break,
(I sat inside the tuk tuk and waited, but really I would’ve loved to walk around a bit, because even just to my left was a temple with a big white pagoda) the tuk tuk set off and kept driving - heading towards Mingu of Sagaing region... 🇲🇲 Mandalay really frustrated the hell outta me from the onset. It's really rare that I'd be somewhere while traveling and rather be somewhere else. The only other place I felt like that was Cuba, when simply nothing felt right. Unlike when I was in Cuba, I have been in Good company here. People are absolutely lovely, It's very easy to make friends. But the vibes on the street... just don't jive with me. You know something is wrong with a place when things aren't easy for us visitors. But at least this country is good enough in the sense that visitors can actually come in & travel - you just cannot go everywhere, because: "There are martial laws here." This was what the custom officer who tried to get a tip from me said to me. The 1st evening I arrived and checked in to my hotel - Ease Hotel, All I wanted was to go see the sunset. Thanks to bad communication by the hotel staff with the tuktuk driver, the tuktuk driver took me to the most obscure place on the street for this random-as temple, when I wanted to go to the pagodas at the top of Mandalay Hill. I was so mad and just handed the cash to the tuktuk driver and walked off into the sunset, literally. I walked towards to the palace and walked along the moat for my 1st improper golden hour in Mandalay. But honestly, while things aren't as stupidly difficult and loosely structured as in Cuba, things here sure have to follow the daily whims and changes by the military, and feel like they are quite non-functional, and definitely lack formal tourism infrastructure that it used to have. The Chinese jade trader here I talked to today described things in 🇲🇲 as following what in Chinese we call 江湖規矩, which is super apt. There are No rules ie the military can make whatever the hell rules they come up with. And you must follow them coz they are the government and they'll charge you a fine or charge you a fee no matter if you don't follow suit. There are strange popup of barricade here and there that just don't make any obvious sense... My buddy Thomas who's from Shan has been so generous and attentive and has been trying to make sure I'm looked after. He spends his mornings at the jade market, and the rest of the day he just swipes on his phone watching short videos on WeChat/Facebook. I assume that it comes down to him being bored and wanting to be helpful. Because as soon as I say I wanna go somewhere, He would try to arrange things for me, for the reason that he is half a local and can find out information from the locals here. He would also use this walkie-talkie, instead of the phone, which made me laugh everytime I saw it. He would call his usual tuktuk driver and asks for update on situations or whether it'd be good for me to go, which I appreciate, But I don't need the arrangements from him! The hostel staff can do it for me. I don't need him to do it, He's not a trusted tour agency, and he's not an actual local who knows everything about Mandalay and its surroundings. His help felt like a shackle for me. As soon as I stopped telling him where I wanted to go, and stopped taking him along to where I was going, I ended up having a great experience. So this became a refresher lesson for me here in Mandalay, that the rule of thumb for solo-travelers is to wait for no one, rely on no one. I feel like 江湖規矩 - street rules - aside, I can actually utilize my visitor-status, and play to my ignorance as a vantage point. Once you have the knowers involved, I myself end up in a less controlled place. It's frustrating in the sense that literally nothing has worked out as long as someone else is intervening. I'd rather do things myself and go on my own than knowing someone else has got me covered. Like - Don't try to take care of me. I'll be fine myself. Let me go to places using my own vantage point. I don't want the local connections. And it feels like things are like that with the military presence. I don't want your interference, but the military and their checkpoints just have to be there. Tuktuk drivers can't even go in a straight line from town to Mandalay Hill, and have to drive all the way around circumnavigating the entire palace - which is hundreds of acres big - to get to the Mandalay Hill which led to me missing the sunset time and by the time our tuktuk fought the crazy traffic and got there, Mandalay Hills had also been closed to entry. You literally aren't allowed to go up a damn hill. It's a hill, how do you close off a hill?? It has several iconic monasteries and stupas up there, But you just aren't allowed to go up there after 6pm And it is just for today. It may be different tomorrow. You don't know. Tuk tuk drivers don't even know. You have to find out on the spot, Or on the day. (At least that what the tuktuk drivers said or what I've been told by Thomas.) It's just all so random, and haphazard. If you haven't been to a place which is open to visitors but won't allow you to go climb a hill, now you know there is one here - in Myanmar, this place is called Mandalay. By the time we left the foot of the Mandalay Hill, I was already quite mad about the 30min long detour. Once it turned out that I couldn't even go up the hill, I asked the tuktuk driver to take us to the next available temple, which was Sandamuni Pagodas, and that was shut too, even though I could see people inside. So I said, then take me to the next one that might be open, and that ended up being Kuthodaw, which I'd been already 2 days before. The tuktuk driver dropped us off at Kuthodaw, I was just sooooo frustrated by it all... At least my evening was made up by us chancing upon a night "market" - with just 1 single food stall - along the palace wall - called "Castle Hill", Castle Hill had its own a juice stand attached to the business, and 1 ice cream stall. Unlike Bangkok, where there is hundreds in each, and many night markets, It was still so nice~ just to see something nice for local Mandalayans to enjoy. They were taking a stroll, cycling, eating out. It was heartening to see that they do have a little something to make their day more liveable So far, Mandalay has proven to be a place of contrast: Of undercurrent of tension, Of people making through life and getting by despite the rubbish they have to put up with It's a beautiful place, a gorgeous country which you cannot simply travel through and through as easily as you could like a few years ago. As a visitors, seeing how local people are living their daily lives is our lens into a world - into to a country and a city.
If things are nice and easy for the local people, things would be nice politically and socially. If things are difficult and conceited and changeful according to the political climate of the day, or of the month, Then things can't be nice for neither he people nor the visitors. The pursuit of the ordinary -- How & why I travel Very differently:
I love site seeing don't get me wrong. But I Love doing the most common every day activies when I'm traveling. For me, traveling is not going to see the most epic things. For me, traveling is appreciating the world and appreciating the people who live at where I'm visiting. I don't go to places for the glamorous pictures or to show off where I've been. I spend a lot of effort and a lot of time finding out and learning about each place, the political history and current situation, the environmental state, the social struggles of its people well before going there. And when I am there, these information I have gathered would always be at the back of my mind, with every step I take in their city, I remain conscious of the backdrop of situations in the city in which they make a living. So much so that I make sure not to do certain activities, Not to do certain things , So as to remain mindful and careful about what I'm doing. I have gained this habit I guess not because of me being pedantic, But because I've done all my university papers through on the places I travelled to, so researching on a deeper academic level became a thing I end up enjoying and making an effort in doing for every trip. For me traveling is never and should never be about glamour or the pursuit of epic things. It should and needs to be about understanding first and foremost, But while traveling, it should just be all about appreciating the world we have and the earthlings in it . So with me, you may often find me doing the most mundane and rather ordinary things, like walking through the most obscure park or a beach, or just randomly weaving through residential streets for hours. For me, every day when I'm traveling is a day for me to live my life in another place, in as ordinary a way as life could be lived. Walking around itself feels sufficient and fulfilling for me. And it's the little moments and the little things, and little gestures from people an exchange with someone, that are the most memorable to me, and will mean the most to me. It's how Boh here remembered exactly what fruits I like for the smoothie from the 1st day I purchased from her stand, and she remembered precisely how I don't want any sugar nor any ice, She always recognised me and welcomed me with a smile, I went back to her stand every day and would spend half an hour looking for parking around old town just to get a smoothie from her; It's how everyone greeted me with a smile when saying Sabaidee with their praying palms in Luang Prabang, and did not hesitate to listen to my request; It's how the grey cat at the temple with the big golden Rock immediately reached out to jump into my lap as soon as I sqautted down to greet it with some rubs, it meoweed and meowed and approached me needily; It's that feeling of bliss when gliding down the Mekong river, cooling my skin with the yellow water on a hot day. What makes traveling beautiful ks Not the yachts, drinking alcohol or getting wasted, Not conquering mountains or camping in freezing cold conditions, Not surfing huge waves or sailing or sunbathing on remote islands, not designer fashion or partying all night longnekth friends. It's the ordinary seemingly insignificant things that mean the most to me. It always annoyed me whenever my granddad saying that I was out "having fun again", which was his way of saying that I had gone travelling. But having fun was never a concept for me. If you knew me you'd find that I'm not into games or enjoy them much, Having fun was never my aim by travelling. Appreciation always was at the core. So selfishly, if I don't get to appreciate a moment or a place or an event properly, I get quite discontent about it. This is just how I see the significance of traveling and why I travel. Traveling is when I truly live and live fully. That's why I love doing it - I love doing this thing called life itself. And there's so much more to why I love it of course, but appreciation is at the centre of my love for travel. I love being able to be out and about and appreciating this world, I love living as much as I can in the world. That is all. I may not be good at explaining it. Does that make sense? My friend's son's funeral7/10/2023 Just attended the 2nd ever funeral I've ever been to in life. I streamed in online remotely and it turned out to be incredibly special because: despite the total downpour here throughout the day, the sky magically cleared from the moment the service was due to start through to the last moment as my friend finished his speech for the dearest son that he so loved and lost,
The sun shone and gave the sky a beautiful hue, which lit up the ocean in front of my room, where I watched the sunrise while listening to the eulogy my friend gave... It was extremely painful and I wept a lot with him. Death is not the end of our journey with someone we love so dearly. But choosing death over life is not the best solution to one's struggle. If it helps at all, we just need to remember our lives are not our own. If anyone you know who may be going through an incredibly difficult time and you know about it, please reach out to them in person, check in with them often, talk to them and hear each other's voice, give them the strength they need through your care and love for them, help them rise above their situation. There's truly nothing more important in life than giving each other true companionship, attentiveness, and support. Don't let them leave themselves alone. It's difficult... it's a difficult subject to broach. I can't speak enough of how deeply sad I feel, and can only cry for the loss of a beautiful soul. #SuicidePrevention I don’t know if this is something only fellow travelers can relate. I REALLY hope I’m not alone here, because sometimes I wonder if it makes me a bad person living in New Zealand, or if it is something that I also feel when I’m anywhere with a dominating culture when I’m traveling. It’s an UnEase I frequently struggle with, PARTICULARLY working here in New Zealand, It annoys me to the core so much oftentimes. that I have a second-guess and double-check myself to see if I’m wrong in why I feel this unease & discomfort, and try to remember if I ever feel like this when I’m in other countries. The backstory for this unease is: New Zealand has 3 official languages, and officially it considers itself as a BiCultural nation, even though it’s reasonably multicultural with roughly 9% of Pacific Islanders, 15% Asian, Out of the 5%: 5% is from India, 4.5% are Chinese - and btw, “Chinese” is not an ethnicity (this bugs me every time I had to fill out a form, just like “Indian” is not an ethnicity. Similarly, “Burmese” is an ethnicity, but not all of Myanmar are Burmese. So:
It’s Matariki soon in Aotearoa. In the fortnight team hui today, it was centred on learning the stars of the Matariki constellation, the meanings designated them stars, what it indicates when some stars shine brighter than usual. Annoyingly, one of my least favourite coworkers suggested assigning people to a roster to say karakia for future hui. And our senior staff followed by agreeing to this and said, “if you have dissent, please raise your hand” or whatever. I’m not sure if anybody has a right for dissension in this. Culturally speaking, we’re meant to be respectful. Personally speaking, I hate rosters and I really don’t want to say karakia when somebody with more cultural authority can. From my perspective, it’s the same thing as I will never force you onto a roster to say something in Chinese. In Aotearoa, New Zealand, Te Reo Maori is 1 of the 3 official langauges. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the fact that Te Reo and Sign Language are the official languages. I think every country should follow this example as a role model for respect for the indigenous culture and for the protection of Maori cultural heritage. And naturally, countries like the Cook Islands, Samoa, Fiji, New Caledonia, Solomon Islands, will have their own indigenous languages as their official language. Places like New Caledonia in particular is a great contrast to New Zealand. New Caledonia certainly doesn’t make Karnak its own name, like New Zealand would refer to itself by Te Reo as common practice -- as Aotearoa, and it certainly doesn’t make the Karnak Bislama/Creo its official language, this is not because Karnak people are not the majority of the population, they very much are, and by far greater proportion than Maori in Aotearoa, but because of the inherent diversity of Karnak people, there are linguistic variabilities and perhaps aren’t as ethnically united as tangata Maori these days. Similarly, Vanuatu has hundreds of different languages and dialects, so much so that Bislama varies from village to village, kinda like in Papua New Guinea. But then it doesn’t mean Vanuatuan Bislama shouldn’t be considered the main official language side-by-side with French and English, because all 3 languages are used in a typical church service. All in all, I support and encourage language inclusion for countries with indigenous populations. What I’m not entirely comfortable with is I guess what NZ does to me is what the Chinese government has done to other ethnic groups in China -- forcing Te Reo practice onto me like the Chinese government has forced Han Chinese onto the indigenous ethnic groups in China. Trust me, I am passionate and deeply care about indigenous cultures. Learning the language is 1 of THE most important aspects of learning a culture. And because I live in New Zealand, I have been so embracing of Maori culture. But I never said I wanted to learn and speak the language. That is not what I signed up for. The only thing that hone in my I Want To Do What I want mindset back at work is my grandmother’s final word of advice to me before she passed: Adhere to the values & do what the people do in the country that you live. There’s great weight in this wisdom of my grandmother’s. When I heard it, I liked it, even though immediately I thought of the whole Maori cultural imposition on all migrants when I heard it. In New Zealand, using Te Reo is an inescapable aspect of daily work life. If I work alone with my own business, in some non-profit, I would have been spared; but in the government, I can hardly have a breather from a non-Te-Reo day. I HATE it. I LOVE Maori culture from a distance. Just as I’d dive into any indigenous cultures when I visit their countries, I would learn as much as I could, pick up a few words here and there and speak it as well as I could, But I would never want to be FORCED to do anything. I can understand and agree with my grandmother’s advice, that if I live somewhere, then respect the locals' ways. But there’s a difference between respecting local’s ways and doing as what local people do. What if I’m not one that is suited for following orders, or wanting to do what the majority does? I NEVER like to do what I’ve been TOLD to do. I’ll very likely ignore you if I don’t go & do the very opposite. I also don’t believe in the wisdom of the crowd. I’m not a bird in a flock that jumps and takes off at whatever life-threatening/ non-threatening situation that may come up, triggered by another bird who got frightened by whatever movement or sound. As people, we are individuals, and can live and BE as individuals. When traveling, you’re often confronted by cultures and languages that are vastly different from your usual ones. You approach it with respect, even if you may find aspects of disagreement. But when you’re traveling, you don’t need to worry about adopting the local ways. You’re an outsider, you’ll be gone in no time. Even if you may stay there for some time, you don’t need to feel forced to adopt local ways. Here in NZ, if you’re a traveler, it would certainly feel like that, too. But it is not the case in daily life living here as a migrant. Whether you’re here on short-term visa, or permanent like I am, you will be shoved in the face with demands of karakia, and now imposed onto you, like is the case in my team, thanks to my annoying coworker. I have dissent, but I can’t speak it. It’ll make me an alien, or risk being considered that I disrespect the politically correct culture of respect for Te Ao Maori. By no means do I have any disrespect, I simply don’t want to be imposed of it. That is ALL. I’d rather practice Japanese, than Te Reo Maori. Okay? I’d rather than Hebrew, than Te Reo Maori. That is all it is to it. I can understand the need to know the local ways, but whether or not I have to follow it, should be my own choice, especially as an individual living in a democratic society, unless this is NOT a democratic society. This is how I concluded that perhaps, because I consider myself a global citizen, perhaps I prefer to remain an outsider, not to become one of them - to become one of anywhere. I have places where I feel strong sense of belonging, and that place certainly isn’t New Zealand. The solution for my frustration is probably: either find a workplace that isn’t so try-out in-your-face politically correct, or move to a country where it’s politically multicultural rather than bicultural, so that I don’t have to be forced to practice another culture when I don’t want to. ε·ε·θδΈδ½ηη±6/28/2023 Have you ever fallen in love at first sight and not been able to confess for a long long time I’m a hopeless romantic & a sucker for love stories. Give me a love story, I’ll read it from start to finish. The songs I've been using in this and the last photo come from the OST of a RomCom based on a love story I finished reading on Monday in 1 day. It’s a story where the two protagonists try to hide their love for each other for the longest time The choice of the actor and actress are so cunning & apt that they seem like they walked straight outta the book pages. Especially the lead actor, I’m often so impressed by how he carried himself literally exactly as the character was described in the book: “模样冷淡慵懒” “眼含春色,玩世不恭,温和却又疏远, 吊儿郎当,却又细心温柔到极致”, “清瘦高大,黑发朗眸,出众过艳的五官, 站在光亮之处,显得夺目又张扬” Especially in the latest episodes, the new “铁树开花版 段嘉许” On Weibo, for the last few days, there are quite a few Hot Search hashtags about this character, where people described this period of the story as #段嘉许孔雀开屏 #男狐狸精本人 I love this current dynamic between 桑稚 & 段嘉许, before & while he 摊牌. In the book it was sweet to read but they are after all just black & white words on book pages. in live action, the actors delivered the birthday scene so well, even I felt the hard-to-Breathe TENSION that the characters were experiencing. In live-action, Moments get stretched, camera is on close-up, cutting between the 2 protagonists, music is in the background building the atmosphere, you can see the actors’ facial expressions and body language. In my opinion, the tension in the 曖昧 period is the Best part of a relationship. It’s like arriving in a new country, learning the ways of the city, navigating it, discovering all the possibilities. I’ve read many books that have been adapted into live-action in the last few years. All of them are love stories, of course~. Many of them have characters that have hidden love for their counterparts. But This one is the sweetest and the lightest in mood and weight. I love the timeless bond the writer set up between 桑稚 & 段嘉许, I especially appreciate the unconditional care and attentiveness they have for each other. When he asked her, what are the requirements you have for someone you would like to be pursued by? He asked these questions as a way to probe her interest on him, which he already discovered. But really, these are requirements that every one should have a standard on for everyone else in their life: Partner, friends, coworkers, classmates, roommates. Who would you allow to continue to exist in your life? Do you have a standard and a reasonable expectation of others, for your own self-care? I feel many people do not necessarily have that rule of thumb about people, because they may not have a standard for themselves, even. For me, I love looking out for my friends where I can, so the qualities I need in friends and neighbors and coworker-become-friends etc are along similar lines, If I don’t receive the same kind of attentiveness or attention from someone, then I would not reach out and give them any more attention, period. If someone doesn’t make contact with me, then I won’t make contact with them either. Because life is all about give-and-take, and a decent amount of self-love. These are the questions I ask for myself / for my friends when it comes to any kind of people-evaluation in life:
I really feel that everyone should evaluate themselves and others this way.
I know none of us are perfect, and there are many days where we simply are not well enough to spare the mindspace to look after someone. But I feel we also shouldn’t give too much if the other party simply does not demonstrate that they reciprocate in equal measure. I worry that my friends may sacrifice their own peace for someone who isn’t worth it. I hope all my friends are well cared for in their lives by others, and that they have people that would look after them and look out for them the way 段嘉许 & 桑稚 would look after each other. Theirs should be the basic standard. Every now and then, and very often, I find myself battling in pain caused by people in my life who make me feel I will Never be Good Enough. And I know because of how they are I can never shake it off. With them, I will never be good enough to them. In society, you're Never Enough. Whether it's in the modern developed world, or in the traditional conservative communities. You can never be enough. No matter how hard you try, no matter how much effort you put in to become a better version of yourself, you will never be good enough. It's a bottomless pit - you can never satisfy others. This is how I know I can never fit in nor want to fit in to standard society, or to be around very uninteresting, vain, common people. Daily, it'd be the fact that I'm not a qualified social worker at work, as if because I'm not a qualified social worker, therefore I'm an useless idiot that needs everything proofread by someone and signed out and never to be trusted or promoted. They'd never hear me when I have stated to them clearly that it sickened me to have to do the old intensive mentally draining job again when I have already moved into a different role, yet they repeatedly ask me to help out once and once again - because of the inability of the current staff to finish the things at hand. They'd always strike as if they view me as I am incapable of doing anything at all, just because I'm not a qualified social worker. And because I was not a social worker, they seem to think I have no intelligence or capability to rise higher in this job. They see themselves as subject experts, and appreciate other social workers, and deem anyone else who aren't social workers to be lesser than them. I work so hard, and take on the majority of the work in all the jobs I've done in this team. Yet I don't get a word of appreciation from management, Nor would I ever see a payrise or a promotion to another role for my development. In fact, when the new job was offered to be in the team, I heard the manager say in front of me to the Team Leader, "Not this, not this, this is too high. This one." And gave me the lowest starting rate for the new advisor role. This is just when I had to cancel my trip altogether for them, too, because of their own inability to hire a new staff to cover for the lost staff members. No matter how much I do for them, it will all be futile, and never be valued. Every now and then, I'd get the "Why don't you get an iPhone." All these years, All I use is Android devices and Huawei phones with Snapdragon/Harmony OS. There's so much diveristy and so many more options with Android. Whereas Apple is just this one dead thing, limiting and monopolising. I have vowed to never ever use an iPhone, nor to purchase any Apple products, because of what they represent to me in my personal life. When I heard the "Why don't you go get an iPhone" after I had just bought the latest Pixel, hoping that I'd not hear that stupid not-applicable sentence ever again, Yet it came back once again. Like fuuuuuck. It hits me like a train in my chest, that all the effort I had put into finding a good phone, the latest and the best, putting money every fortnightly aside money that I wouldn't even spend on food for a phone, it was all futile. All pointless effort. They will never be satisfied or approve of what ever you have just because you don't have a damn iPhone. Honestly, I just want iPhone OUT of my life. I don't want to even SEE it. Using an iPhone is like a frog living in a well. You think you have the best piece of the sky above you, but you've NO idea all the sky that stretches beyond that. Occasionally, I'd get it from my family, who'd either disapprove of either the place I lived, or making derogatory comments about how I live, criticises the people in my life; sometimes they'd tell me to own less clothes, why is it even their business? I buy the clothes with the money that I make. I can do whatever the hell I want with it, especially when the clothings choices I make are all good for the environment and good for my skin, when theirs are not only full of horrible synethic fabric, and is also - not like mine - unbranded random clothing lines. Or they'd tell me to cut my hair, I know my hair is long, but I cut it regularly, I cut it to help it grow and thrive. When my most judgmental aunty saw my hair after 7 years this March, she held it and admired its length. Any I know they all mean well, and they all make casual comments without thinking twice, but they never communicate it in a kind or caring manner, sometimes they feel like self-projections; but it all come across as disapproval, and that's not really my problem, is it. I can never understand people who want to control or demand other people to do/ have what they really want for themselves. People all live in different ways. They made their own choices, so just leave them be. Live, and let live - that's always been my life motto. The things the closest people in my life say to me in casual, unappreciative ways hurt me. The words cut and drill into my chest, and cause upheavals at a depth they can never surmise. The impact of their opinions are deeper than any others'. They don't even realise the gravity and weight those comments can have on me Their words come down on my heart like a monolith, silently yet loudly goes on repeat in my mind. They make me feel lowly and unworthy. & These are the things that come up in my head: "You'll never be good enough." "You never can be." "Why did you even try?" "You will never get what you truly deserve in life - whether it is recognition, appreciation, or peace." I wonder why these comments are always made by the people closest to me. They don't even know me well enough, nor do they have authority over my life. Hearing their judgmental comments make me want to put them all on silent mode, if only there could be a Mute button in life. And whenever I hear them talk like that, I just want to get away from them, but I don't usually have another place of my own to go to. Which is a good reminder that I should really buy myself an apartment, so I can have my own time, in a place all of my own. And they are the most important people in my life, so I can never leave nor do I want them to leave me. How can you be free from your own family?? Nor can you expect them to be better people, to be more considerate, or to be more aware. That's impossible. Those are things outside of your control. The only thing you can control is yourself and your own reaction. After processing the feelings inside, You can still rely on one thing that never fails to make you feel whole again: And that is traveling. You cannot control what others expect of you, speak of you, think of you, and you definitely can't get their negativity out of your life at least, you can get your own good self out of theirs and out of the dreary drone of quotidien home life by traveling. By being in transit, you are taking yourself outside the box. By being away, you are more at home in yourself. I find that feeling of being truly me and feeling truly myself when traveling. Traveling really frees me from the views and shackles of others. When traveling you are just you, no more, no less, and imperfectly perfect. You're Fine as you are, and you'll meet people who won't mind you being who you are, how you are, AS you are. There is no confines of society, no stupid expectations. You don't need to be successful or wealthy. You just need to be you, a simple being, existing in this big wide world. You are you, and you are enough, you are plenty... When traveling, you regain who you ARE. It's just the most freeing feeling. You are between places, between timezones, you are nowhere stable, yet very rooted in yourself. You are not more important or unique than others, yet you are not any less than significant. You are you, and you are worthy. You can embody and absorb the values you agree with, learn customs that enliven you, you can be you while also becoming anybody you wish to be. You meet people who like you as you are, admire you as you are, enjoy your company as you are. And you feel the same about them. You meet people who are true, kind, and simple, and real. Life is about the moment, living in the present. No past, no future. Just a moving present. Traveling is just the best. You are free, because you are as you are, and you can be whoever you desire to be. ***************************** I’d spent my life being independent because I had no other choice but to be. No one’s ever there to look after me and providing me with warmth and companionship, thinking for me when hunger strikes, when days feel dark, when the heart is heavy. No, my parents weren't there with me, I had no siblings, I moved from school to school too much to develop any permanent deep friendship. So I have to be strong and move on and get on with it. Being independent because I can’t afford -& there's no Point - waiting for someone to look after me, it doesn't mean I'm extremely capable at all, it doesn't mean I'm invincible, either, it just means I have no other choice but to pretend I've got it in me to hold it together. I have always wanted an older brother. Someone who'd look after me, someone I can depend on, someone who would be there when I need him. Someone who would be my rock, my shelter. Someone who isn't my father, or lover, nor a friend. Someone I know I can lean on, someone who would be there for me. Someone who'd care about my feelings and look after my daily sentiments, just like they would like in <<偷偷藏不住>>. That's why when I do meet someone who does all the little things to look after me
and show me with respect, gentility, kindness, and appreciation, I go out of my way to visit them, to see them, because I really appreciate them for what they do in their gentlemanly and considerate ways. As most things at Oranga Tamariki,
The Gallup Strengths test which I so looked forward to ended up being such a disappointment. I’d taken Gallup Strength test thanks to an amazing management team at Massey during my time at MAWSA for the role that was the best job I’ve ever had. I was encouraged to do it, and it was also an opportunity for the staff member who guided me through it as a training and development opportunity. It was not only a highlight for me, it also ended up being something I often looked back to and referred to in intellectual conversations with my favourite friend – who also did the test, and when preparing for interviews for the jobs I applied for after my contract at MAWSA ended. Thanks to Sarah and Mags, and Anna who took me through the Gallup strengths test, I felt like I got to not only know myself better, I felt the parts of myself that made me who I am got recognised and highlighted through this test. It was a very amazing feeling to be recognised for one’s strengths, instead of constantly being beaten down for your weakness – which is what I experience on a weekly basis in my team at Oranga Tamariki. And after a few years of hoping I could do it again, And even requesting for it in one of the team huis prior, we finally got offered before our team hui this year. After we each did the Gallup strengths test, we would bring our results with us to our team hui. In the 1st day of the hui, for the whole afternoon, we went through our strengths as a group, and also got around the hui space to find our “ideal” partner. I used the Gallup key words for strengths and sought for the following qualities in the colleagues in my team (because these are the qualities I value in human beings in general, therefore they’d make great coworkers as well): “Context” “Harmony” “Empathy” “Inclusiveness” “Positivity” And it was great to see that the colleagues who I like a lot happen to BE the very ones that fulfil these criteria I seek in people. And they were: Mandy, Wendy, and Claudia. It was a shame that Xakielia wasn’t there, because she already makes a great colleague, I’ve no doubt she’d check off some of my favourite qualities herself. What became outright disappointing though Was how the Strengths test result ended up categorising me by my leading traits. I apparently lead by Strategic. So on the 2nd day of our team hui, We were asked to sit in groups according to our leading Strengths trait. I ended up in a group for Strategic, 3 of whom were the dominating voices in the group, While Yen and I sat there totally didn’t feel like we belonged. We both liked watching romantic comedy and probably were just congenial semi-introverts that led us to fall under this group, because if you prefer to spend time alone watching shows and reading books, you’d end up with the attribute of “intellection”. I can’t remember what Yen got in her top 5, but she certainly was like me, surprised to find ourselves in the Strategic group, While the 3 loudest voices in the group spoke of things they love and hate that I myself definitely could not relate to less. One was saying, they must align the color pens in gradient colors. One said, no fluff, please give me factual, fact-checked, evidence-based information, and that the information needs to make rational logical sense; and that they cannot have matching colors, unlike the 1st one. The Execution group voiced their Love and Hate, Love - “No Fluff” Hate – “Fluff.” The last and biggest group in my team was Relationship Builders -- Love – “Fluff” Hate – “No Fluff”. By this point, I was getting out of mind internally putting my head in my hands feeling like I really wanted to put my hand up and ask to be in the Relationship Building group and mentally tell myself to stay as much away from the Execution group people as possible in life. I don’t know why I ended up with Strategic as my leading trait, But I 100% emotionally and mentally connect more with the Relationship Builders. I need fluff, and I expect fluff. The most fluff the better. I’m all about caretaking of others, and making sure others’ feelings are acknowledged, recognised, and looked after. I could not STAND the 3 in my Strategic group. What they hated or loved I could not relate, and I could not be bothered to add or disagree with anything they raised in their Love & Hate. I just wanted to add “I need fluff”. Fluff is important. People are important, how saying/doing something makes people feel is important, whereas Execution people -- simply don’t care, and Strategic people simply don’t care about people – it’s all just ideas, evidence, facts, data and uniformity or scattering colors. Those will never be my kinda people. I don't know how the Strengths calculation did its job, I calculated all the items in each 4 leading attributes The highest number of attributes I have is actually under Influencing. That'd make more sense to me than any of the other categories... :( How can you NOT do something without taking consideration of how it would make others feel and of its impact on others? It’s the basic of basic acts of humanity and sign of maturity to take into consideration of others in every action we take and with every word we say. 1 of the people in the Strategy group even said, “I found out that Empathy is at the very bottom of my list, which made me feel so much better as a person.” They said it with such pleasure i couldn’t but gawk and gasp and pull my hair on the inside! Get me out of this group! What ARE these people? Are they even human??? I don’t belong here!! Women of Colour Survey5/22/2023 Oh wow~ There is a Women of Colour survey that has been placed on the home of our work website today. I filled it out immediately because, I see so much problem with lack of diversity and appreciation of women of colour in my work place. If you look across the floor - on our floor alone, there is not a SINGLE woman of colour who is in the leadership role. And I certainly don't feel appreciated as a woman of colour and a woman of a very deep cvivilisational culture in my own team. And that is a massive problem in itself. The above is some of what I filled out. As a person who values different cultures and wisdom of different cultures, I always make sure to get to know and consult those who are of a different culture. They always have so much to offer, so much more than those of the European races. Yet that is definitely not evident at any of the places I worked in New Zealand. Never have I ever felt appreciated and valued or approached for my unique perspectives based on my culture and my background. New Zealand - Wellington in particular - a melting pot of a city - has never felt to ME that it wants to learn from the cultural others, except the Maori and the Pasifika - the more dominating regional groups that have first migrated to Aotearoa. But even if you traveled to more Pacific Island countries, you'll even recognise the distinctness of each race. They're all so different from each other. Then you have the East Asian and South Asian populations, and perhaps some Central Asian, Central American and South American presence. These all are people who brought with them strong cultural ways of doing things. These are valuable to a workplace, and need to be appreciated far more by kiwi. I myself know how MUCH a Chinese person can offer to others, we have 5000 years of civilisation and cultural wisdom to bring to anyone we meet. This is WHY i seek out others and want to hear out and absorb others. But those who might not have been endowed with deep history and cultures with their cultural backgrounds might not have the instinct to want to learn from others. And that's a shame for them, because they're the ones that are missing out big time. I personally just want to at least see more non-white women being in leadership roles. That's the least I'd ask for. @EmmaRyokouFind me on: Archives
October 2023
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